What Were They Thinking

Black Friday Ha.... It should be called Battle Friday. Come to think of it maybe there should be a video game.....Battle Friday 3. I don't know what the 3 is for it just seems that all video games have a number.

The object of the game would be to arrive home safely with the gift that you selected. oh...I know.. it would have to have different levels.

Level 1. Navigate the parking lot.
Here is the beginning of the the epic battle. You must safely negotiate the parking lot and find a space close to the entrance. Once you find a space then you have to battle your way past others who are trying to get to the wally world sales extravaganza before you.

Weapons in level one are:
super sticky bubble gum,
supercharged SUV,
and the ultimate level one weapon is the handful of slippery ball bearings that you can throw to make your enemies slide right out of the parking lot.

The are obstacle to overcome in the parking lot
Obstacles are:
speeding cars..don't let them hit you, you must hit them to destroy thier chances.
Parking lot attendants...they can slow you down while your enemies run past you
oil slicks and mud puddles: beware of the yellow mud puddles

And whatever you do DON'T Wake up the Guy Sleeping in his Car, He can be very annoying.

Drop coins in the red bucket for bonus prizes.

Level 2

Wow, you made it to level two. Now you must begin shopping. Fight you way past the greeter at the entrance but dont walk past the little stand where there are hidden coupons, grab some of those and continue.
Find your gifts and battle your way to the checkout stand.

weapons in level two are:
Armored shopping cart
invisibilty cloak, only drawback is that you have to uncloak to load your shopping cart.
Cotton candy, this stuff can do some serious damage to your enemies.

Thing to beware of in level 2

The Sample lady. Try to steer clear of the pizza sample lady she will give you such bad heartburn you may have to leave the store.

Food court, the line never moves.

cart raiders...they will steal stuff outta your cart.

Survey takers, never ever talk to survey takers, they team up with cart raiders and give you migraine headaches. A trip to the pharmacy will be required to overcome the effects of the survey taker.

The cleanup on aisle thirteen is never a good thing so beware.

There are bonuses in level two

Look for the blue light specials and get there first to recieve supercharger for you shopping cart.

check all abandoned shopping carts for added value coupons.

food items can be tossed in the electronics department for added excitement

Bar-b-que Potatoe chips will give you temporary super powers, such as speed,high jump, and kung-fu super grip.

Level 3

The Checkout

Weapons are:

Golden credit card

Rainchecks of different values

Cash

ski mask and machine gun

Obstacles in level 3 are:

Super slow checkers

Gossiping checker

cart raiders

line jumpers, a few rounds from machine gun will take care of line jumpers


Bonuses are golden credit card will recieve faster service

high score will get security to escort to car.

Oh and dont forget the Bar-B-Que potatoe chips

Well I Thought it was Funny

The Problem with the Thanksgiving meal is that no one serves Bar-b-que Potatoe chips.

My favorite time of day is mealtime. With a large family though , mealtime is an adventure. There is always one kid who doesn't like what has been cooked and then there is another that can't sit still. There are likely to be several conversations going on at the same time.

I love it. Makes me smile. And when a little girl laughs and milk comes out her nose.....well you are never to old to laugh at that.

Okay next time you sit down for a big meal with lots of family and friends, make sure you observe everything. Mealtimes make the best memories. Oh and dont forget to blow bubbles in your milk.

An old Thought

I wrote this blog a year or two ago, but I am lazy and dont want to write another one today so you are getting a rerun.


The Banking Crisis


Why dont they ever give you enough deposit slips with your order of checks? I always run out of
deposit slips way before I run out of checks. My Bank probably thinks its funny. They planned
it that way you know.

I’m sure there was a meeting and some marketing genius said “Hey, why dont we just put 4
deposit slips on the back of every checkbook.” “That way when they run out of deposit slips
then we sell them another whole box of checks.”

The problem is , when you run out of deposit slips you have to go inside the bank. I much prefer to use the drivethru. When you go inside You have to use thier pen (which is allways out of ink) and I have this fear that when I’m inside the bank, thats when some wiseguy is going to rob the bank and hold me hostage.

The reason the wiseguy will be robbing the bank……..well he ran out of deposit slips and he just went a little nuts. Plus he had to borrow my pen to write the ransom note because the Bank’s pen was out of ink.

Then the S.W.A.T. team shows up and every one gets gassed and I get shot , and it would have all been avoided if they would just give everyone more deposit slips.

Yup I prefer the Drive-Thru.

I am 52 years old, I got that way by using the Drive-Thru. The kids wouldn’t pay the ransom anyways.
I know … they are the ones that keep saying” Just go inside the bank, Daddy”

I get the last laugh though. I’m leaving all my money to the cat. That cat never once asked me to go inside that Bank.

The Common Thought....

"Maybe it just me...But"

Doesn't it seem like the best steaks are served at strip joints.

Cars know when you get extra money, then they break down.

You have to step in a puddle before you realize you have a hole in your shoes.

The hot water runs out "exactly" half way through the shower.

whenever you are robbing a bank , the ski mask gets twisted and you walk into a door. Never mind , you didn't read that.

whenever you open the crayon box you can never decide what to draw, but it seemed like such a good idea a minute ago.

were rolls invented so you would have something to hold your butter while you eat it.

no one consulted a child while inventing the "child-proof" cap.

whoever invented yogurt must have been really really bored.

if you smell dog poop....check your shoes. its not this blog, i promise.

Who would have ever thought......

Run Deep, Run Silent,

My granddaughter Haley came into my room and she had a very cross look on her face. I ask her what was wrong. She just looked at me and didn't say a word.

She had just gotten into trouble by her dad and I realized she was in " silent mode".

ahhh...I love silent mode.

Haley is very good at the silent treatment. She can make more noise in silence than anyone I know. Her facial expressions have been known to paralize people. She can render a whole room full of adults to utter silence with just a look and a stomp of her foot.

The pet dog runs and hides(I think he can hear things we cant).
I gave her a bar-b-que potato chip, she is all better now.

She should grow up to be president.
**************************************************************************

Peace

My Thoughts on Deer Hunting

THE Deer Hunting Blog

Ok, so I went deer hunting over the weekend.

Why do they call it hunting anyways, it's more like deer waiting. You go and sit and wait on a deer to show up.

Anyways, we were at a cabin and I got up early and went outside to smoke. The sun wasn't up yet and I was enjoying the calm and the terrific view when all of a sudden this really huge buck with antlers the size of Texas came walking up. His eyes were fiery red and smoke came out of his nostrils. The ground seemed to shake with his every step.

He walked over to me and said " Do not shoot any of my Kinfolk!!"

So I said " Yes Deer"

and then I went back in the cabin and ate some Bar-B-que potato chips.

Next year I am going to go pan for gold.

Things you should always take when going deer hunting.

1. Bar-b-que potato chips

2. Big truck

3. crossword puzzles

4. thermal underwear

5. Air freshener( the cabin Bathroom didn't have a window)